At War with the Vending Machine

It only seemed fitting that today I have a guest blogger.  This weekend I am heading out of town to visit my best friends in Philly/NJ.  My good friend was having a bad week and she sent me an email describing her no good, horrible, awful day.  I had to share it with you all..


Today was just one of those days. Everything that anyone said and did, every phone call, almost every moment of this day made me want to cry or punch something in a fit of rage. The mail machine didn't work (not that it ever does). The copier ate my paper. My boss was being extra grouchy and unapproachable. I ripped a brand new pair of stocking before noon. Flo arrived. Need I say more?

I could go on but the funniest of all my mishaps had to be my fight with the vending machine. After Flo showed her face, I convinced myself that I was a fat cow who didn't deserve to or need to eat lunch (I tend to get emotional and overly dramatic on days like this). That was short-lived. Not thirty minutes later I decided that I would punish myself and Flo by eating chocolate for lunch. I'm still not sure how I justified that as "punishment," but I had justification at the time. I scrounged up $1 in change which isn't an easy feat as I pay for almost everything with my debit card and NEVER have cash or change handy. I snuck downstairs, careful not to let anyone see me heading for the frowned-upon vending machine to select my poison. A Mounds bar, to be specific. It's one of my personal favorites but the name weirds me out a little bit - not sure why. Why can't it be called a Coconut Dream bar? Or Coconut Creme Bar? Anyway... I digress.

I put my precious dollar in the machine, selected B6 and watched the spiral metal holder go ALMOST all the way around. Just shy of releasing the creamy, dreamy, chocolaty, coconut treat into the tray at the bottom. Yes, the machine ate my dollar and my Mounds bar refused to drop the 6 inches it needed to for me to retrieve it. I stood there staring at it thinking, "I can leave a note on the machine for the nice old man who fills it just like everyone else.... But NO! Then everyone will know I was going to eat JUNK FOOD! Me. Healthy, fit, always-pestering-people-to-be-active me. F*&%. Now what?" So instead, I decide to shamelessly shake the machine in an attempt to shake the mounds bar free. I suddenly hear the crinkle of plastic and a thud. A mini-bag of 94% fat free popcorn dropped into the tray. Fantastic. I want 300+ calories of nothing but sugar and it gives me fat free popcorn, which ended up being my lunch.

I suppose this was all a blessing in disguise as I I certainly don't need the extra calories, fat, sugar, carbs and all things bad for one who watches their weight. It would have tasted good, I'm sure, but ultimately would have left me feeling bloated and guilty.

Thankfully, by the (almost) end of the day I'm laughing about it all. And, let's face it, the fact that I have almost no obligations to fulfil this evening and that a martini (or two) is in sight doesn't hurt. ;)


--Wild Irish Rose