The Skinny on being Fat

Today was a big eye opener at how I am not only letting myself down with weight loss but others as well.  I have always struggled with my weight.  Since I can remember my parents were always questioning how many pieces of bread I had when we were out to eat.  I remember my high school friends looking cute in their short shorts and tiny tops, but I was hiding behind jeans and t-shirts.  


15 years later, nothing much has changed in m life.  I am still eating more than I should.  I am not working out at all and I am more upset with my size than I have ever been before.  


At the beginning of October, I signed up for a boot camp class hoping it would be the best way to kick my butt into gear with weight loss.  I had told a bunch of people about my goal and they promised to check up on me to make sure I was progressing.  What I didn't expect was to leave the first class, more upset with my self than when I started.  Its hard for people to understand what it is like to be overweight unless you have been there before.  Its not only an embarrassment but its disappointing... disappointment in yourself.  I only made it to one boot camp class.  It was hard for me to see myself struggling being surrounded by 14 barbie dolls.  I was embarrassed for how I looked, angry that I was struggling, and frustrated that once again I was going to fail.  


This morning I woke up disappointed that I had failed.  I failed at going to work out this entire year with a year membership, I failed at thinking I could lose weight and get in shape, and I failed at one month of boot camp.  



While reading Facebook today I found an article about a fit man who is going fat to get fit again.  He wants to know what it is like to struggle as an obese person in losing weight.  


http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/why-a-personal-trainer-is-making-himself-obese-on-purpose-2583990



Two of my good friends kept their end of the deal.  They checked in with me today on my progress and I was ashamed to admit I had was not successful.  Although I want to lose the weight something inside of me is holding back on getting out and going to the gym and pushing through the embarrassment.